Holding Space for Stillness

For the first time, perhaps ever, when someone asks how I am doing, it is incredibly hard to smile and say “I am good.”

Instead, I long to say “My body does not agree with how I wish to move it. I am living in a state 16 hours by car from the nearest person who knows me as me, as the girl I have always been, and 32 hours from the place where all my friends are going”

“My heart, it aches every day for freedom. There are things I want to be doing, places I want to be going. I’m all turned around and I don’t know where home is anymore.”

But that is ok. This is me giving myself full permission to lean into where I am now. Lean into it with everything I have. Lean into it with love, and patience. Lean into it with trust that I will be exactly where I need to be when I need to be there. Lean into it, and learn what I need to learn while I’m here.

“I’m not ok. But that’s alright, because I have been ok before this, and I will be ok again. And in the meantime, I have people in this world who love me, and the sky above my head.”